Plan B is the new Plan A
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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