well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
