i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently the secret to your success is patron
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
