with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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