I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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