I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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