Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
