I am puke
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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