it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
