oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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