some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
