don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
