I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
