After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
