I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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