Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
