who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that's an acceptable place to lick
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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