This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
