this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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