just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
