Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
