508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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