For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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