I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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