as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
