Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
