if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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