Cold hands, warm shart.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The uberlube is also flammable
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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