Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
