There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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