I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
