IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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