He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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