I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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