i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
