absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
