First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
