What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
