i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
