2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
