my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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