Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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