I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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