I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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