sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
