Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
