thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
