you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it's like iHOP with fire
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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