this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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