i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
