I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
