Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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