Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
