I wish my penis had an off switch
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
